The Mill Vanes position, also known as the “I’d like to fuck, but also swipe” position, is perfect for the noncommittal Tinder fucker. It says, I’m way into you, yo, well enough to fuck you for sure, but I’d also like to keep swiping left, because there’s probably someone else out there I’d like to fuck too, yo.”
Top physical fitness isn’t necessary here, because your co-fucker will never see your 1-pack flab stack, in fact they don’t have to see you at all. She’s on her back staring at the ceiling, or possibly her iPhone 8, congratulating herself for not falling for that iPhone X bullshit, he’s on his stomach facing the opposite direction for some fucking reason, with his cock shoved down and backward, as if trying to fuck himself – perhaps because he’s a noncommittal Tinder-fucker, admiring his new down comforter, or his iPhone X, wondering not for the first time why he spent over a grand on this fucking thing with the already-cracked glass that can’t be repaired for another 6 months according to the Genius Bar.
According to the hot write-up I read on this Twister-fuck, this position allows the woman to “caress the rumps of her companion” and “smoothly nail her nails in the later part to the knees, to grasp the testicles of her companion.” Now I don’t know what the fuck that means, but it sounds awesome. I’m pretty sure it means that she’s gonna gouge the shit out of his left-swiping ass just before she punches him in the balls for swiping right…but not to worry men, your cock is going to be so sore from trying to fuck your own asshole that some minor scratches and ball pain won’t even register.
Also published on Medium.