• Sex Advice

    How to bite the pillow.

    Before you endeavor to eat your lover’s asshole, reparations are in order. You see, the asshole is a sensitive thing, and you’ve been hurting its feelings your whole life, possibly without knowing it, as if that’s any fucking excuse. The asshole takes a butt-load of criticism, gets a bum rap if you will, mostly for doing a pretty shitty job…

  • putin is an ugly motherfucker
    Journal,  Lifestyle

    I Practically Invented FUPA, Goddamnit.

    I guess (because Beyonce says it) we can now lose our shit over our sex fat — rebranded recently as FUPA, meaning Fat Upper Pubic Area. I don’t want to bitch, but I have been actively promoting FUPA awareness for decades. Only back in the day, we called it PUPPS (Pudgy Upper Penis & Pussy Syndrome). “Feed your PUPPS,” I…

  • heat and stir sophie the pug
    Journal,  Pets

    She’s So Cute – I Just Want to Kill Her

    Sometimes, I want to squeeze the shit out of my pet, Sophie. Is it normal that I want to squeeze cute things? “It’s so fluffy, I want to die!” Have you ever found some little furry creature in the petting zoo so cute…that you just want to pinch or maul the little bastard? That’s referred to as cute aggression. As the…

  • heat and stir mill vanes sex position
    Sex Advice

    The Mill Vanes Position

    The Mill Vanes position, pictured here on the left, also known as the “I’d like to fuck, but also swipe” position, is perfect for the noncommittal Tinder fucker. It says “I’m way into you, yo, well enough to fuck you for sure, but I’d also like to keep swiping left, because there’s probably someone else out there I’d like to…