Do you have a dog? Have you had sex? Then please, for the love of dog, check your best friend for signs of DOOFUS (Dogs Oversensitive to Owners Fu*king Unabashedly Syndrome). Does Buddy look at you in that “I could use another treat” way? Does Princess only sit reluctantly, on the third or fourth command? Does Bailey still chase his tail before crapping? If you answered yes, no, sometimes or “what the fu*k business is it of yours?” toany of these critical criteria, then I hate to break it to you, but your beloved dog has DOOFUS, a debilitating, godawful syndrome and it’s all because you had sex within eye or earshot of your best friend. Thank god there’s a top-secret cure.
Also published on Medium.