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Chronic Pain,  Journal,  Lifestyle

Disabled Sex

Let me put this out there. This is not a woe-is-me heroic code. For me, it’s simply what is. I live with a great deal of pain… constant pain. I’ll try to make this shit tolerable, perhaps even entertaining on occasion, because the more I can make you understand, the more understanding you might be to someone in your life who suffers likewise. It’s a simple truism: if you’re not in pain today, you will be one day -if you’re lucky enough to die an old fart that is. So lend me your eyes for a bit and I’ll try and wrap my writing skills around this dreaded subject… sex with a hidden disability.

There are many forms of disability, not all of them in plain sight. I have what is known as a “hidden” disability… a gnawing, stabbing, burning ache in my left side, an 8 inch wide band of fiery hell starting at my belly button, extending to just below my ribcage and wrapping 14 inches to the midpoint of my back. To recreate the same sensation on the right (healthy) side of my stomach, I have to grab two handfuls of flesh and mercilessly pinch it with all my strength. Now why in the fuck would you want to recreate something so goddamned painful? For reference sake. So that when someone says “what does it feel like?” or “can you describe it?” I can say, “hell, I can give it to you for 5 to 8 seconds before my hand strength fails.”

Hidden disabilities are fucking awesome in some ways because, hey, you have no idea I’m disabled. I’m pretty sure my eyes give it away, but I don’t have a cane, walker, or a wheelchair. Hidden disabilities also suck, because well, they’re hidden and friends tend to get pissed at you for bowing out of plans at the last minute, even though I presumably “look just fine”. Also I’ve only asked for a seat on a subway once due to pain, although I wanted to many a time. That’s on me – people in New York gladly give their seats… including me, at least for a mother or elderly person. I’m no fucking hero, and I’m too shitty a Catholic to have a martyr complex but believe me, but asking for a seat when you look okay is a bit embarrassing honestly.

The thing is, I can do almost anything I could do before I had pain, but I’ll probably need a big nap afterwards, and I might be curled up in a great deal more pain because of it. My particular pain is neurological in nature so it doesn’t even affect my posture when I’m standing – just a bit when I sit because I tend to collapse in on it which strangely decreases the pain. A neurologist explained it to me, and why it was even good for women to press their purses in on the painful area, but I forget the science.

I’ll go more into all the above some other time and end this first splash into pain with a bit about sex and pain, you know, the fucking title of this blog. It doesn’t have to suck, that’s the good news. The bad news is if you’re on a massive prescription regimen, it can be pretty hard, or not hard enough, I should say. The good news is I used to be on such a regimen but was able to winnow a lot of my meds down through aerobic and anaerobic exercise – which is a whole other blog entry.

So back on topic… you can have a disability and still rock in bed and still orgasm like a fucking 15 year-old jacking off into his socks – okay that’s a fucking lie, Christ, I used to blow holes in those socks when I was 15… but you can cum so much at the age of 49 that you fuck up your Ralph Lauren dress socks, or your Victoria’s Secret panties (no I don’t fucking wear panties, not that there’d be anything wrong with me if I did, blah blah politically correct stuff blah blah). Anyway, I’m going to tell you how you can have mindblowing sex, whether you’re disabled or not. When it comes to cumming, a lot of our “abilities” start and stop with our dick upstairs (the brain), we’ll get into all that shit… just not tonight. I’m in fucking pain and need to go to bed. Goodnight all.

Angry Fucking Frank

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