heat and stir noir woman face
Sex Advice

Why are men so selfish in bed?

Why are men so selfish in bed? How come I can never get mine first or just get mine and go to bed, like my man does?

Anita, AL

Let’s explore the meaning of the word “selfish” shall we Anita-gets-None. The American Heritage Dictionary describes “selfish” as “Concerned chiefly or only with oneself.” So what you’re saying is that by exploring his god-given right to share his benevolent seed with his Southern belle, the woman that means more to him than all those other unappreciative little tarts before you, he has somehow been acting on his own behalf… irrespective of your orgasmic needs, your sensuality, your need to come like a fucking Southern Pacific freight train.

Yeah that sounds pretty fucking typical. Fuck him I say, in a way that in no way can be misconstrued as actually fucking him. Stand your ground Belle, don’t let his little pecker cross your Mason Dixon line without servicing your engine first. It’s called self-first, and has abso-fucking-lutely nothing to do with Southern hospitality. So drop the charm school, lose the pageantry and demand equal opportunity orgasms for all. Fuck, march on Washington if you have to; although truth be told, a couple “No Licky my Doohickey , No Dippy Your Wicky” sandwich boards at the Brickyard 500 might get you further.


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Also published on Medium.